is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
