I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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