yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
