I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
