come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize