You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
