Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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