So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
