I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
