He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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