just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
