My sheets look like a crime scene.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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