No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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