so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
