Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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