my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
