I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
