so let's talk penis.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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