Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
