Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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