I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
