just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize