I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
