so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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