the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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