so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
