Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
