Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
