Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
