also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
