i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
