She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
