we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
