I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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