Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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