We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
