on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
