You smell like stripper and shame
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
