I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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