He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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