Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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