I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
