So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
