dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
