i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
