My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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