I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
it's like heaven, but drunker
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize