is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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