my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
