She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
