My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
