weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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