i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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