I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
