i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
