Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
