My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just high enough for therapy.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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