She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
