wat bout pragnant strippers??
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
