I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize