she looked like the bat from fern gully.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
