I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
