oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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