i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
