"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
why do cheetos always look like penises
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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