There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
