i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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