So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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