So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
