you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
