hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I am naked and annoyed.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
