Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My ass is underappreciated
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
