i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
