Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
