did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
