she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
