3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize