if i can run in heels then i can drive
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
