You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
