anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize