We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize